All I ever remembered about,

was you, a big-head boy

With lost direction,

don’t know where to go

What to find or hide

You make yourself ok

Even when you’re with me

I know you were in trouble, my man

I know you are confused

All of a sudden, I like you

Another year, that funny feeling grew

Like, I love you, but….


I don’t know

You never loved me back

‘Til now,

All I ever dreamed of,

is you asking me, directly

“Hey, do you ever love me?”

Nor you asked me,

I wouldn’t ever tell the truth

I always said, “I’d rather be honest.”

He knew it, I knew it

I said it consciously

But why when it comes to you,

it’s all lies I wanna tell?


Kris, what’s wrong with you?

I’m like controlled

Fooled by your persona

Hypnotized by your charm

Like I would never be wrong again

We stay the way we used to

You complete me

I was a stranger

So were you

We both know each other

Thanks to school

However, it never ran smooth

It was awkward

Even until now

Why are you always in rush?

I know you knew it

You’re just so smart to hide it

That was embarrassing, wasn’t it?

Ivan told me, you’re my Tina

I almost believed you

I remember you said, “

“I’d rather spend money for facial treatment,

than for dating a girl.”

I laughed, you laughed

We giggled together on the phone

I know it was just a cliche deed

Thank you for sparing your time to call me

I hope it never bothered you

You said,

“Ok. I have something to share to you.

Let me begin this.”

Begin? I thought we’ve begun doing this

Without you realizing

Or you just don’t care

About a girl’s sensitive feelings

You’re my sweet, confusing, mysterious neighbor, my sweetie

How am I to you?

You said I’m fine, smart, and….. beautiful

Or let’s just say, cute

Wow! Hope you know that my heart

Was beating fast that time

Hearing those shocking praises

Came out from your mouth

Like they were slipped through

“Oops, I did it!”

I acted like I don’t care

I said, ” (giggled) Don’t be kidding!”

“No, really…. I mean….”

Then you seemed like nervous

You were stuttered

“I mean, uhm… really. You’re beautiful.

You’re supposed to have friends.

Just be free.”

The thing I’ve never done in school

Being confident

You like lifted me up

Then, you crashed me down another seconds

I don’t know whatcha purpose

You told me that you were about to hang out

With this girl named, Chachita

Hmm… I felt my face burned red

My heart was about to explode

Well, I was just as smart as you

I hid it, I hid the bitter feeling

Through the calm expression I showed you

Like, I didn’t care

But I did

I was so stupid, wasn’t I?

I know you knew it

Whereas, you begged me to stay for another 10 minutes

I thought you REALLY wanted me to stay

You didn’t

That time, I could guess

What kind of guy you are

Then I stay away, for a long time

Maybe, forever

I want to avoid you, erase you, forget you

Like I never knew you

But I can’t

We’ve ever met, dude

That’s the problem

I wish it’d never happened

Well, I guess I’m just wishing

Maybe you’re laughing now

Maybe I’m the one who loves you

There’s never a respond from you

Damn! I should know

Those sweet treats,

are just friends-treats

I’m thinking of the other possibility

That never comes through

How fool I am!

To this second,

I’m still waiting for you

Waiting for your home phone calling me,

Waiting for your flirtatious texts

That somehow are so sweet

–though it’s the bitterest after I’d found out the truth–

Well, I can forget you, for a while now, I guess

I’m still supporting you,

for your biggest dream to become a businessman to come true

Katy Perry says you just gotta have to ignite it

Ignite the light of you

Let the self-fireworks do

You can feel me there, too

If you’re lucky enough,

and I’m ready enough,

God will show you

That this used-to-be close friend

Is hoping for your coming

Be well, Kris

God bless you always

I believe you’re a nice guy

I’ve told you

Secretly in love with you,


N.b : Notice that, I listened to your stories, paid attention to every word you say. I’m afraid you never really listened to my stories. Like, even for a good friend, you never cared.


About Ayuri

A not-so-elegant, classic girl, who loves writing, reading, dreaming (unlike daydreaming coz it's not good for me), and debating with my brother. I think I can see this world better if I ever experience something somewhere. By my own.
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